A Tear Like a Diamond

This text is the continuation of “Golden Footprints” and therefore another fictional story. Here, the main character returns to the book cave that you have already got to know. If, like her, you are longing for a new encounter with the man with the beautiful smile, the brown curls and the wounds on his wrists, then you’ve come to the right place.

She took one last sip of the broth, as it would already be cold when she got back. But now she wanted to set off, that was what she had resolved to do. Since her last visit to the cave, she had actually been thinking about going there again soon. Because there were so many complicated questions in her life that kept her busy. And at the same time, her soul was hungry for closeness and encounters that purely intellectual answers could not satisfy.

She needed more than answers. She had a deep longing for love and acceptance that would touch and fulfill her in such a way that she could finally feel peace again, which was completely independent of her thoughts and feelings. She knew he could do that, he had done it so often. That was exactly why she was so frustrated about how quickly she could lose her peace and even her trust in his loving encounter.

Daring to step into the cave again

These thoughts accompanied her as she took the well-known path to the book cave. Even just setting off was an active and not self-evident decision. So often she simply wasted her time with movies or series or in idleness. Not that series or movies were bad per se. But the hurdle of simply sitting in front of the laptop instead of investing herself in the always challenging encounter with him was incredibly low. Today, at least, she had managed it. She was already standing in front of the gate and was certainly not going to turn back now. What did he have to tell her today?

Excited and with a couple of questions in her mind, she turned her golden key in the lock and entered into the hall the next moment. Just like last time, there were thick socks ready for her, which she slipped on instead of her boots. Then she walked further into the book cave and let her gaze wander over the meter-high bookshelves made of dark, fine wood. The sight of such an abundance always produced a contradictory feeling in her. On the one hand, she loved and collected books passionately and dreamed of having an impressive library when she had her own house. On the other hand, books always made it clear to her what she didn’t know. How nice it would be to know and understand everything!

The One whom her soul loves

The clatter of dishes distracted her from this not very modest and definitely not holy thought. There he was again, the one her soul loved. The one who fascinated her like no other. The one who captivated her, who was so open and honest and remained forever mysterious. The one who sometimes felt miles away and was always there in her most difficult moments. Who always made her feel accepted and in front of whom she always felt inadequate.

“Hello, beautiful, my friend!” he called out to her and waited for her this time before they walked to the fireplace together. He put down the tray on which she found two dishes of lasagna. How delicious it smelled! “Would you like to have dinner with me?” he asked her rather rhetorically, as she naturally nodded her head vigorously. Who would pass up such an offer?

Come as you are

Before she could sit down, she spotted the gorgeous pearl dress on the back of her chair again. “Why don’t you hang it in the entrance?” she wanted to know. “Then I’d come to you already dressed.” She had actually said that quite casually. Because he didn’t answer immediately, she looked up at him. He obviously wanted her attention for what he was about to say. She looked into his warm, brown eyes and was again fascinated by the flames that blazed in them. Was she mistaken, or did they actually become more intense the longer she looked into them?

“My friend,” he began in his melodic, serious way, “I want you to always come to me exactly as you are. This dress is your identity in me, which you can hold on to, but which you cannot create yourself. I alone define this identity of yours. This is the certainty for you that it is true and irrevocably fixed. You can let this identity feed your everyday life and your decisions. But you can’t put it on yourself. I do that solely in the authority given to me by the Father.” She hung on his lips, raptured that he had already surprised her with his answer. That was off to a good start!

The freedom to be herself

“I don’t even want to define my own identity,” she heard herself say. “What you say about me is a thousand times stronger than anything I could decide for myself.” This statement elicited his irresistible broad smile. How could he be so good to her? Even though he often reacted completely differently than she expected, she never felt stupid or exposed around him. She was pleased to realize that she must have a deep trust in him in some way, because she felt completely free to be herself.

“Besides, I wouldn’t want to miss the moment of you being transformed in my presence,” he resumed the thought. “Do you want my Truth to change you permanently and profoundly?” “Oh yes,” came the immediate reply. And just a second afterwards, she felt the dress of her dreams spread across her body once again instead of her everyday clothes. She looked down at herself and saw that she was flawlessly beautiful.

About feelings and identity

“Shall I tell you a secret, my friend?” he grumbled lovingly. Once again, he waited for her to look into his eyes. “That’s exactly how I’ve seen you every moment since you invited me into your life. Because since that decision, you have agreed to let me determine your identity.”

“If that’s true,” she replied, “why don’t I feel like that most of the time? And why do you always want me to be transformed around you?” “Since when do feelings determine who you are?” came the reply. “On the contrary, I teach you how to rule in your life so that your feelings follow your identity. And as for transforming, that is part of the mystery of human nature on earth. Until the end of the age, people in the world are influenced by their sinful nature. You have been washed clean once and for all and your feet still need to be washed clean every day. Do you understand?” Yes and no, she wanted to answer, but she remained silent to ponder these words. At least she wanted this view, that he always saw her in this dress, to become more her own perspective.

What it means that He loves her

“That’s exactly the order I gave you last time. Remember?” She nodded, not wasting a second being surprised that of course he knew what was going on inside her again. “You said you wanted me to think about what it meant that you loved me.” Now he nodded in agreement. She continued, “You know, that brings me right to one of my questions.” “Bring it on,” he encouraged her. By now, they had settled into the armchairs. “So,” she continued, “how can I incorporate this more into my everyday life?” She had spontaneously decided to formulate the question in this way and not ask why this thought was quite distant from her in her daily life. It sounded more constructive.

“It happens in many ways and you can learn to pay more attention to these moments and signs. You know that all good things come from me. All the good things in your life are a direct message from me to you that I am here and I love you. The best strategy to become more actively aware of these gifts is to call them into your consciousness with gratitude.”

“And what if I’m in a hard situation and I can’t see anything good at all?” she replied in her sometimes impulsive way. When he replied, she was secretly grateful that he hadn’t given the obvious answer that there was good in every situation. Instead, he said, “in your darkest moments, I am very, very close. My love can only really unfold in the place of brokenness. Even if you are to blame for the situation,” he also answered her unasked question. She had to think about that too.

Fighting against the loss of peace

“I can see that you came to me today with a calmer soul,” he broke the silence. “Yes, that’s right,” she admitted. “That’s because you’ve already met me yesterday and today. Yesterday was particularly depressing and today I was quite frustrated that my inner peace is so unstable.” He tilted his head a little to signal to her that he was listening attentively. “Yes, I was distressed yesterday. Not because I had any problems with work or anything else. Everything is actually going quite well at the moment. But my nemesis is this inner turmoil. When I’m confident, I can go through challenges happily. I’ve already experienced that. But I feel powerless against this discord.”

“Then what did you do?” He obviously wanted to know how the story continued. “I sat on my bed and cried out to you on the inside. And then suddenly I felt in my heart that you were with me. You made my heart understand what is so difficult to get from my head into my heart. In that moment, I realized that you hung lonely on the cross so that I would never have to be alone. You even took on loneliness and the feeling of being overwhelmed.” At these words, her gaze involuntarily slid from his face to his neck with the pearl necklace and down to his wrists. The wounds looked even uglier today than she remembered. Could it be that they were bleeding at the moment?

A tear like a diamond

“And I did that with full conviction and without regret,” his voice was soft, low and steady. She looked into his eyes again, which had filled with tears. A precious tear rolled down his cheek, shimmering like a diamond.

She wanted to comfort him, but didn’t know how. She couldn’t even begin to comprehend the pain he had taken upon himself and which he apparently still carried with him. Then he held out his hand and she took it in both of hers and gently kissed each finger. “I owe you my life and thank you for it far too seldom,” she whispered barely audibly. There was silence again and she resolved to treasure this moment in her heart.

Deeper knowledge

After a short while, he cleared his throat, as if to encourage his vocal cords to talk again. Then he asked, “You still have big questions about your future that are bothering you. You’ll ask them when you’re ready.” He knew her through and through.

A little later, when she once again left golden footprints on the path and looked at the gold dust on her hands, she realized that she had not asked him about the political situation in the world or about the wisdom of the world. But she felt as if she had filled herself with deeper knowledge; the love that is sacrificing itself for friends and that has conquered death and destruction.