Songs of Deliverance: A short story about growing up

There was this girl, her name is Mia. She grew up carefree and sheltered, loved by her parents and adorable to every adult who came her way. Mia spent a lot of time outside in the garden, hosting tea parties for her stuffed animals, or running to the top of the hills behind the house with her friends to roll down the other side.

Of course, Mia’s childhood wasn’t always peace, joy and fairy tales. Sometimes she argued with her best friend and it also happened that mom got angry and dad had a stern word with her. But at no time could Mia doubt that she was her parents’ beloved princess.

When things go differently

Unfortunately, Mia couldn’t always stay in this sheltered environment and be the innocent, sweet child. She grew older, went to school, learned confusing things and was rejected for the first time. She no longer understood the world. At home, everything made sense, harmony was quickly restored when it was lost. Things were different out there.

Because of her friendly nature, she became the class teacher’s favorite. This brought her the envy of her classmates, who no longer allowed her to join them play during the breaks. She was still safe and secure at home. But she began to realize that life took place outside the yellow house with the white shutters, the large garden and the picturesque hills.

And somehow she got the feeling that she could help bring the beauty and harmony of her home to the world. This feeling was confirmed in Sunday school when she was old enough to go to the youth services. It was often preached that, as a child of God, she had a mission to tell other people about this God and invite them to put their lives in God’s hands too. And it all made sense in Mia’s world view. Who wouldn’t want to live in relationship with the Heavenly Father who forgives all guilt and holds His protective hand over you?! Mia became good at analyzing all the problems of the world in the context of sinful man and the merciful God. It was all crystal clear, wasn’t it?

When the world view crumbles

Then came a difficult time. The closer she got to the end of her school career, the more complicated her friendships became. For some reason, Mia was always the one who was overlooked and rarely invited to parties. She couldn’t understand that. She had always been the sweet and friendly girl who hardly let anything get to her and always gave the right answer!

But friendships with her peers didn’t seem to work like that. Mia was hurt and felt left out. She absolutely had to find out what she could do to change this! That’s why she observed her surroundings, studied, debated, thought and asked questions. Initially with the sole aim of gaining a better understanding of the world and finding her own safe place. And then she began to actually listen to people. Little by little, she developed empathy and a better understanding of the viewpoints and decisions of her fellow human beings.

She repeatedly reached the point where her entire world view was turned upside down. She regularly no longer knew which way was up and which way was down, what was right and what was wrong. All the principles she had grown up with in her family and community were severely tested and questioned. Mia was so afraid of making mistakes that she sometimes had absolutely no idea how she should behave in certain situations. Then again, her desire for freedom became so strong that she got involved in daring actions and afterwards tried to legitimize them spiritually. However, these legitimizations rarely stood up to honest scrutiny.

When disillusionment sneaks in

The more Mia became aware of the brokenness and darkness of the world, from which even her saintly church community was not spared, the more she felt that she had a part to play in making the world a better place. She felt herself to be of great moral integrity and praiseworthy until she was confronted with her own inner depravity. She stumbled and fell, and not too infrequently.

She erred, did damage and had to grudgingly admit to herself that she was powerless in the face of her own selfishness and self-centeredness. No matter how hard she tried to love God first and then her neighbor as herself, she came to the realization time and time again that she was actually seeking her own advantage the whole time and then glossed over her decisions.

She stumbled, fell, picked herself up again, held her nose high in the air, stumbled, fell, got up, pushed her shoulders back, stumbled, fell, got to her feet again, ducked away, stumbled, fell, stayed down. It was just too heavy! She was incapable of leading a morally good life in the face of just values! Even if she had moments of holy conviction, these were quickly destroyed by passionate longings.

And where was her joy of life? Mia longed for the carefree days when she could roll down the hill in full enjoyment, when she could laugh with all her heart and savor the present moment without a shadow on her conscience. She was tired, frustrated with herself, angry with her closest friends, disillusioned with her role models, far from home. She wanted to be strong and grown up and yet a tear stole from the corner of her eye.

When an answer comes from the ground

“Lord, where are you?” she sobbed dejectedly. “Here,” came the quiet yet unmistakable reply. The one short word filled the entire atmosphere and resounded from all directions. Interestingly, it came particularly strongly from below. Mia pressed her ear to the ground and listened quietly. What she then heard made her catch her breath. It began very quietly and became clearer and clearer the more attentively she listened.

“Boom boom, boom boom, boom boom.” The rhythm of a beating heart. And these heartbeats had a deeply calming effect on Mia. For a moment, she lost herself completely in rapt listening to the perfect, regular beats. Then, in the midst of this rhythm, a millennia-old poem rose up and Mia felt miraculously connected to the believers who had gone before her.

Blessed is the one whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the one whose sin the Lord does not count against them and in whose spirit is no deceit. 

When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy on me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the Lord.’ And you forgave the guilt of my sin. 

Therefore let all the faithful pray to you while you may be found; surely the rising of the mighty waters will not reach them. You are my hiding-place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you. Do not be like the horse or the mule, which have no understanding but must be controlled by bit and bridle or they will not come to you.

Many are the woes of the wicked, but the Lord’s unfailing love surrounds the one who trusts in him. Rejoice in the Lord and be glad, you righteous; sing, all you who are upright in heart! (Psalm 32)

When freedom leads on

It wasn’t Mia who had to save the world from destruction, only God is the true Savior. Mia didn’t have to convince her friends and acquaintances to believe, only God can change hearts and give faith. And the rock on which she regularly fell was her Lord Jesus Himself. New confidence flowed through her and she went down on her knees before the God of her salvation and prayed:

“Your Grace, Lord, is the source of my life. Through it alone I can stand before You and enjoy a life full of breakthroughs. You alone are the Savior, You are Lord over this world. Without You, I can do nothing good. And I shouldn’t do anything in my own strength. You are not overwhelmed by everything that happens in this world. You are and remain sovereign. And I can stand on the rock of Your Truth, while my own truth collapses. I am safe in You. In You I find new strength. In You I have hope. For You alone are the Good Father and I am Your beloved daughter.“

Do you want to know what happened to Mia afterwards? She’s currently trying to find out herself. At least she understands little by little that she doesn’t have to know everything or have an answer to everything, that she can also be very wrong. Because her mission is much more to learn from her Lord Jesus and to be guided by her God. Therein lies freedom and joy: that we live by God’s Grace and not by our own strength.